Hurt

I like to walk barefoot when it's nice out. Yesterday, I was walking over to the cafeteria to get some grub and decided to take off my flops and feel the grass between my toes. Not three steps later, I felt this sharp pain on the bottom of my foot. At first, I thought that it was just a sharp sticker or something like that, but after sitting down and checking it out, I realized that I had stepped on a bee. My dad was a beekeeper, so I don't have a phobia of bees or anything like that, but it hurt pretty bad. It still hurts today, too - it's one of those lingering, nagging pains that almost has more of a psychological effect than a physical one. It's a draining kind of pain, one that won't go away.

I was reading an article in the NY times about online confessionals, and came across one site called PostSecret. The posts on the site consist of images of decorated 4x6 index cards that people have written their confessions on. This one hurt the most:

It's a nagging sort of pain, the kind that wears on me in moments where I feel like I bear the pain, suffering, and filth of the whole world on my shoulders. Going to a public university like UC Davis constantly exposes to the pain of wounded, lost, and decieved people, and there are more needs here that I could possibly ever personally meet. I know that it's not my fault, and that there is only so much I can do, but there's moments where I wish I could personally hug ever person who's ever been rejected and ostracized by the church. I wish I could wipe away the tears of every rape victim. I wish I could pull the gun from the had of every person who ever thought of commiting suicide. I wish I could visit every person who has ever felt alone and tell them that there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

But I can't. I can't do it all, but I serve a GOD who can. A GOD who knows how it feels to be used, to be alone, abused, and abandoned. His strength is my shield. I think of him, and his pain becomes my peace. That's all I know.

Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE;in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:13-17)

[I am not trying to make any kind of statement or judgement about homosexuals by my choice of graphic. I know that it's an issue today where there's a lot of hate and not a lot of love for people grappling with the weight of the issue of homosexuality. The card hurt my heart because of the hurt and loneliness of the confession juxtaposed with unconditional love. I have my thoughts about homosexuality, but I didn't mean to portray them flippantly or merely in passing. The issue deserves more than that.]