"This is my last week of class, and my first final is this saturday. I've been totally consumed this past few days with papers, minuets, reading assignments, meetings, eBay, emails, and classes. I am hurting.Yeah, it was pretty wack. But I had some time today to really set aside for prayer and preparation for a devotional I gave tonight about commitment (of all things), and all of the sudden it was like a light came on in my head: I realized that it's going to be ok. I'm not a failure. This quarter hasn't been a waste. It blows my mind how willing I am to give into my doubts and let them tear me down until I feel like all of my feeble toil has been in vain, and that I will never cross the finish line, or if I do I will be on my hands and knees.
I was talking with a friend yesterday about how being on the quarter system here at UCD is like running a sprint. I think that's very true, and I feel like for this quarter I tripped when the gun went off, and now I'm running twice as hard to make up for it.
I've been thinking this week about the commitments that I have, and how I so often do not live up to them. I ran into a guy last week who told me he was in the middle of conducting a scientific experiment to discover why he was not able to do what he told himself he was going to do. I read an article last week that said close to half of married couples that go into marriage therapy end up getting divorced anyway. When it comes to honoring my commitments and promises, it's easy to see that I'm far from perfect. Way far, sometimes."
It's true: I'm broken, and I'm faithless sometimes. Sometimes I walk, and sometimes I crawl. I fail. But I know that the GOD I serve is more faithful than I can ever know, and he is true when it seems like my whole world is a lie. I'm not done - I'm not even tired yet, because it is not by this strength that I run this race, and it is definitely not by my power that I get up again when I take a nasty fall. Finish line, here I come - I'm going to cross you running.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)
"What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar." (Romans 3:3-4a)
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philipians 4:13)
4 comments:
I've been thinking about committments, especially in regards to relationships, work, school, and other things in my life a lot recently too. It's so true that we can run across the finish line with His strength and that He is faithful and committed when we are tired of running. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement. Study hard; show those finals what perserverence is all about.
thanks Kev. I'll do that. You rock.
Max,
I know that you like to post song lyrics and poems in your blog. When I read this one it made me think of these lyrics from an old school song by "Audio Adrenaline" called "man of God". Here they are:
Sometimes I'm a liar sometimes I'm a fake
sometimes I'm a hypocrite that everybody hates
sometimes I'm a poet sometimes I'm a preacher
sometimes I watch life go by sitting on the bleacher
But I've never been left alone
in any problem that I've known
even though I'm to blame
there were times when things were dark
and I've been known to miss the mark
but someone fixed my aim
Sometimes I'm a man of God
sometimes I'm alright
sometimes I lay down close my eyes
and pray to God
Sometimes I don't feel good
it's hard to start the day
it's hard to climb the obstacles
that sometimes come my way
if I make it, I'm a good man
am I a bad man if I fail?
I know I'm never good enough
so I let grace prevail
But I've never been left alone
in any problem that I've known
even though I'm to blame
there were times when things were dark
and I've been known to miss the mark
but someone fixed my aim
Sometimes I'm a man of God
sometimes I'm alright
sometimes I lay down close my eyes
and pray to God I'm ready for the night
----
sometimes I feel like that. Most of the time actually. Can't wait to see you at camp.
max,
thanx for the reminder that we're running a race bigger then that of this worlds. the last couple days ive been reminded that I have a greater purpose of then what’s in front of me at the moment. Sometimes I get so wrapped up and overwhelmed with what's in front of me, that im not able to look at the bigger picture. But God has a way of showing me that even in my failings, my despairs, my unknowns, He is still in control. That as long as I turn to Him in my everything, I will be okay. Because He’s faithful and truley Amazing.
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