BREAKING THE SILENCE.

Well, if anyone's still reading, you probably know the truth by now: my blog, like the economy, is in a recession. But it's not the end - it's a new beginning.

Yesterday, September 20th, marked the end of the third month of my second year in full-time vocational ministry as a youth pastor here in Benicia. In the past couple weeks, I have begun to reflect on just how significant and profound the changes in my life (well, the changes in Monica and I's life - one of the big changes!) have been.

I hit the ground running that Sunday in June that I started my first job as a full-time youth pastor - I turned 22 a week later, moved from the college town that I had called my home for the past for years, got married to the woman of my dreams three months later, and threw myself into the vocation that had made such a profound impact on my life. Every week exercising my passion for God's Word in preparing messages, planning camps and events, and connecting with and shepherding leaders and students.

But for any of you who have read my blog for any length of time, you probably noticed that although my last post was in April, my real posts stopped quite some time before that. As life got crazier and crazier, my blog was one of the things that got the axe. But it wasn't just the blog - it was the time that I took to be still, to reflect, and to explore my heart and my mind as I typed out electronic words. As this last year wore on, I spent the majority of my time either fretting over the past or worrying about the future.

This last week, I picked up the novel The Shack. I've heard a lot of to-do about it, from the glowing endorsement from Eugene Peterson on the cover (I've been reading Peterson's book Under the Unpredictable Plant - it has been good for my soul) to getting ripped by some for purporting faulty trinitarian theology. (That's a mouthful!) I wanted to judge for myself, so I picked it up this week. Today, I read a passage consisting of a dialog between the main character and Jesus that really spoke to my heart:

"'When I [Jesus] dwell with you, I do so in the present - I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine. Mack, do you realize that in your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you?' Again Mack stopped and thought. It was true." (pg. 141-42)

This struck me to the heart - I have fallen into the habit of both dwelling on the past and worrying about the future, a future without the abiding and loving presence of my Savior, Jesus. And this is where I feel the need to begin again; to forsake dwelling on the past and worrying over a Jesus-less future to focus my mind and my heart here and now, and remember that the Lover of my soul is shaping me, loving me, and transforming me into His glorious likeness. And part of that, for me, is to take the time to slow down, be still, and share with you (if you're still out there!) a glimpse into the life of someone trying to be too busy loving Jesus to be concerned with anything else. See you soon.