Spinning

School has begun. School is crazy. My life is crazy.

I understand my life to be surrendered unto the will of GOD, and therefore I try to understand everything that happens in my life through the eyes of faith. I like to call this "thinking in illustrations," but I think the broader, blanket term would be "Christian Worldview." When I watch a movie with emotional/spiritual significance, I digest it by means of my faith. When I get cut off, or stub my toe, or forget to go to class, the question is: what is GOD telling me? Since my desire is for Christ to be formed in me, I digest the world in juxtaposition to my faith, and through the person of Jesus Christ. I listen for GOD in the ordinary, the mundane, and the overlooked.

But sometimes, this gets out of hand. I have a pair of sunglasses that I got for my birthday almost a year and a half ago. The very fact that I still have them is a miracle in of itself, because I am one of the most forgetful people that I know. (Am I?) But for better or worse, I still wear them every day. But the journey that me and my Black Flys Mach 2 sunglasses have come on thus far is has been a lengthy, spiritually ambiguous odyssey. After having my sunglasses for about 6 months, I lost them. Poof. Gone. Not out of the ordinary for me, but the truth was that I was really attached to them. And so in the midst of my angst, I felt like GOD was telling my that I was a good thing I had lost them, and in fact he had taken them away, because my attachment to them was unhealthy, anyway. So it went, until I saw my dad wearing them one day on one of our bike rides. To this, I felt like GOD was rewarding me for learning my lesson about materialism by returning my sunglasses. Then, I felt like GOD was convicting me for my exorbitant materialism by reminding me that my sunglasses cost more than the per-capita income of many African countries, and so I tried to give them away in China. No one wanted them. And so it goes: I've thought and thought until it's been all thought out, and I still don't get it. My head hurts, and so does my heart.

My RST professor quoted someone famous in class yesterday, and I don't remember who it was. But the quote went like this: "True genius is the ability to hold two conflicting thoughts in mind without going crazy." I feeling like I'm on a roller coaster, and I'm screaming - what I don't know is if I'm screaming because I'm having the time of my life, or if I'm screaming because the train has come off the tracks. Am I'm going crazy, or seeing the light? Is my life turning upside-down, or right-side up? Am I growing up, or falling apart?

Both. I wouldn't have it any other way.